It was a normal Sunday. I slept in and cuddled with Chompers. Had lot's of work to finish at the office so I went in for 6-hours. Got home to make dinner and was invited out to dinner with some friends in Laguna. Decided it would be nice so went and had some delicious wine and appetizers with some friends at a restaurant that was new to all of us.
I should backtrack my story to 3 weeks ago. I had an appointment with my PCP. We chatted mostly about the computer software system he's on because I just implemented the same system at my office. He ordered some labs to be done and in those orders added my HIV/STD check (which we normally do 1-2 times a year). I went in the next day to complete the labs because I had to be fasting. I arrived at the lab at 11:55am to a locked door with a note that they'd reopen after lunch at 1:00pm. Starving, and now pissy, I waited until 1:00pm, gave my blood and moved on with my day.
Last week my PCP called me one evening to discuss my lab results. The numbers for my HDL (good cholesterol as it was described to me) was off so he wanted to run additional tests on my liver. He also stated my HIV/STD tests came back negative. He placed the order and asked me to go to the lab this week to complete the blood test. I immediately made an appointment for Monday the 11th at 11:00am.
So back to Sunday night. We're at dinner and Roque, as always, decides he needed to order dessert. Helene and I are laughing at him tackling this huge apple cobbler by himself when my phone rings. The screen says "Newport Beach Medical Associates" and I remember thinking, "That's weird, why'd he be calling me the day before my lab appointment?" I excuse myself from the table and step outside to take the call.
Dr. Yu asks if I have a minute to chat. The next words came out of his mouth and then everything else he said fell onto deaf ears. He told me that in reviewing my final lab report the screening for HIV 1 came back POSITIVE and the screening for HIV 2 came back NEGATIVE. Again, he continued talking and I wasn't listening. There was this moment that I know was only a minute but it felt so much longer where I thought of the past year. I thought since Matthew and I broke up I haven't been this crazy sexually active homo (although I know a lot of you would think otherwise). How I've been safe. And then started thinking about my future. What would this mean? What will people think? OH MY GOD CHRISTIE AND I WONT BE ABLE TO HAVE A BABY TOGETHER (seriously, all of these things went through my head). Dr. Yu at this point hears me crying hysterically and brings me back to reality and away from my thoughts. He breaks it down for me that the screening tests aren't very accurate. He explains that the screening came back positive, but that the more accurate test called the western blot came back negative for both HIV 1 and HIV 2. I have no clue what any of this means. He tells me, Aaron, I'm confident that you're HIV negative and that we just had a false positive. I have to prove that theory by performing a more thorough test of your blood for the antibody. He orders the tests and says it can all be done when I go in the next morning for the other tests.
I return to the restaurant and Roque can see I'm extremely upset. I break down when I get back to my chair and explain what's going on. He was amazing, he just held me while I cried and told me he's sure it'll be okay. Helene returned from the bathroom and took me outside while Roque took care of the check (I owe him dinner now). My friend Helene is a Physician Assistant. I explain to her that the screening came back positive but the western blot came back negative. She broke it down for me even more than my PCP did how the screening tests don't mean anything, they're not accurate and that the western blot is the most important. And since my western blots both came back negative I don't need to worry. I was calm as I left the restaurant and got in my car, but that drive through Laguna Canyon on that Sunday night was full of tears and silence. I got home and called my friend Eric who is also a PA. He backed up what Helene said and fully supported my doctors’ theory that this was just a false positive. Feeling a lot more confident but still scared shitless, I begin Googling. The things that came on my screen were too scary to click on. The only thing I was capable of looking at was a Wikipedia article describing the different HIV tests and their accuracy. I learned that 15/1,000-screening tests come back with a false positive. I also learned that the accuracy of the western blot was 99.9996%, this also making me feel a lot better. I called a good friend who I know recently had a similar scare and talk with him. He comforted me and told me the best way to stay calm is to talk about what I'm going through with people. Not exactly what most people would do considering how personal this is. That night I got very little sleep, woke up for work and went into the office. I made several phone calls to some of my closest friends letting them know what's going on. I had so much support and love that this is just something we'll all go through together.
Monday night I talked with my friend who is a Graduate Student in Biomedical Sciences at UCSD (working on his PhD). I explain to him my situation and he starts getting all-scientific about how the screening tests suck and how he performs western blots every day and that they're the most accurate. Talking to him really helped relieve my nerves regardless if I understood what he was saying or not.
The past 63.5 hours of my life have been torture. The Phlebotomist at the lab said my doctor would have the results on Thursday. I've been drowning myself in work to keep my mind off of things. Last night a good friend of mine came over and we went to dinner and hit the jacuzzi and joked around just to get my mind off of things and distract me.
At noon today, my phone rings with a phone call from Newport Beach Medical Associates. It's Dr. Yu! "Aaron, I've got great news, the lab report just came in, fresh off the press, everything is fine, you're HIV negative (as he thought) and there's no traces of the antibodies in your system..."
I know that I had science and logic on my side but this was still a very traumatic experience. One that I was lucky to have so much love and support to know I'm not going through it alone.
I'm sharing my story on here because through all of this it made me think, how many of my friends/family on Facebook know their status? HIV had an early stigma of being only in the gay community but that is absolutely not true today. In fact I've seen some studies show that the gay community is so much more aware of it and safer, that it's affecting the straight community more! Gay, straight, lesbian, bi, doesn't matter, everyone should be checked to know his or her status. The waiting game is so scary, but knowing you're okay and not spreading a disease is worth so much more. I encourage all of you to get tested, know your status and encourage your partners to do the same.
Thank you to me amazing friends for your support during this time. You are all so special to me.
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